


The Year When the Rainbow-Haired Kids Invaded Hogwarts

by sketched_daydreams



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Gen, Harry Potter AU, Sorting Ceremony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2015-06-19
Packaged: 2018-04-05 02:38:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4162512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sketched_daydreams/pseuds/sketched_daydreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes being a thousand year old hat is terribly hard. Especially when you are trying to sort a bunch of skittles who are probably not right in the head.</p><p>"Merlin, the kids are getting more psychotic as the years go by I swear."</p><p>"Sort me now before you cease to exist, you dirty hat."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Year When the Rainbow-Haired Kids Invaded Hogwarts

**Akashi, Sejuuro**

_Why what a brilliant mind you have here!_

Thank you. I already know that though.

_How arrogant, boy. Salazar Slytherin would love to get his hands all over you._

Excuse me. I might have misheard, but did you call me arrogant?

_No need to get the scissors out. How did you even imagine snipping me into tiny strips anyways?_

I have quite an active imagination, hat.

_Merlin, the kids are getting more psychotic as the years go by I swear._

Sort me now before you cease to exist, you dirty hat.

_Fine._

_You have a brilliant intellect, Rowena would like that, but you got too many devious plans in this head of yours to devote yourself entirely to your studies._

I shall take that as a compliment.

_Helga would not let you anywhere near her badger den. Far too reliant on yourself, but you seem to be loyal enough. In the Hufflepuff house, you would probably build yourself an army out of them. . ._

What an interesting idea.

_Dear Merlin, no!_

I'm kidding of course.

_Well Gryffindor is definitely out the window as well. No sense of recklessness at all in you. I think we both know that you are the chess master not the soldier._

I actually prefer shogi over chess, well I guess there is only one house left then.

"SLYTHERIN!"

You have avoided being cut into pieces, hat.

_What is wrong with kids these days?!_

**-o-**

**Aomine, Daiki**

_. . . are the only things on your mind basketball and inappropriate pictures of females?_

Well what else is there?

_First the psychotic one and now this idiot, I am so sorry Hogwarts._

What did you call me!?

_An idiot. And sit down! You're making a scene!_

**_5 minutes later_ **

_Now that you stopped yelling at a hat out loud, we can actually get to sorting you._

Shut up! I already got a detention and I'm not even sorted yet!

_Well you have no studious nature or intellect to speak of so Ravenclaw is definitely out immediately._

_. . . no comment?_

Just sort me, I am done with this.

_Fine. You have loyalty and a sense of friendship, but your teamwork skills are horrendous. Not Hufflepuff either._

_You are ambitious enough. "The only one who can beat me is me?" What stupid catchphrase is that? Well no sense of slyness though._

_I guess the only house left is Gryffindor. You will definitely fit in with the loud mouth lions._

Screw you, hat.

_It was nice meeting you too._

"GRYFFINDOR!"

**-o-**

**Kagami, Taiga**

_Well it's another Gryffindor stereotype, as if we need more of those this year._

Huh?

_Do I even need to explain? You have no brains, no slyness, and the Hufflepuffs would run away at the sight of you._

Wait, what?

_Definitely a . . ._

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Stupid hat.

**-o-**

**Kise Ryouta**

Hello, hat!

_Um . . . hi child._

Hogwarts is so cool! I can't wait to learn here! I hope it won't be too easy. I want a challenge!

_Merlin, are you always this talkative?_

Yes! Are you going to sort me now!

_I would if you would let me talk._

Sorry! Please sort me!

_Okay. Not a Ravenclaw that's for sure. You are not the person who would rely purely on knowledge or intellect._

_Not a Slytherin either. You have a lot of ambition, but no care on how to achieve it._

I'm more of a go-with-the-flow-person!

_I can tell._

_Hmmm. . . definitely a loyal person to those you respect, but once again no sense of teamwork._

So Gryffindor?

_Sadly yes. Why does it feel like all the sortings this year have the same pattern? It's like every kid is exactly what Godric would want._

Huh?

"GRYFFINDOR!"

**-o-**

**Kuroko, Tetsuya**

_. . . what's taking so long? The kid should be here by now._

Excuse me, but you are on me right now.

_DEAR MERLIN!_

_Sorry about your eardrums, kid._

It's fine. I'm used to it.

_But seriously you almost made a hat have a heart attack._

I'm sorry.

_Let's actually get to your sorting now, okay. No more heart-attack inducing stunts okay?_

_Ravenclaw won't fit you at all. You are not the studious type, are you? You have no ambition for the search of knowledge._

_It is not that you don't lack ambition or resourcefulness, but you have too good a sense of teamwork for the house of the snakes._

So Gryffindor or Hufflepuff?

_Merlin! Sorry I forgot I was sorting you. I thought I was just talking to myself._

It's fine.

_How polite. I almost forgot what a polite kid sounded like._

_Well you would make a great Gryffindor. There's definitely courage in you and loyalty, but what you really have in abundance is determination._

_You would be a perfect Hufflepuff. Your sense of hard-work, determination, and teamwork is amazing. You don't see that often nowadays._

Thank you.

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

_I hope that there are more polite kids coming up._

**-o-**

**Midorima, Shintaro**

_Why are you holding a rubber chicken?_

It is my lucky item for the day.

_What the heck those that mean?_

The horoscope said the rubber chicken is the lucky item for Cancers.

_You know what, I'm tired of the stupid things you kids do. I'm just going to sort you._

Of course, now you finally do what you were made to do.

_Shut up._

_Well you are not a reckless person by any means. You won't fit in with the Gryffindors at all._

_Wow, I haven't said that since I sorted that psycho kid._

Should I take that as a compliment?

_Yes, by the way do you even know what teamwork means?_

Yes, I choose to not apply it.

_Well, Hufflepuff is out of the question then._

_You have a lot of ambition, but you don't have any plans to achieve it that require any cunning._

_To be honest, you aren't very knowledge driven at all. At least the Ravenclaws won't drive you insane._

That is the first intelligent thing you said to me.

_Why does this always happen to me?_

"RAVENCLAW!"

**-o-**

**Momoi, Satsuki**

_Finally a girl! You should be relatively normal._

Excuse me?

_Wait. You are childhood friends with the blue haired idiot? You seem like a smart girl._

I am. I have just sadly known Dai-chan for a long time.

_I am sorry._

It's fine. I'm used to his idiocy by now.

_Well let's get you sorted._

_You have bravery, but you don't always take the initiative. Not really a Gryffindor._

_You have a great sense of friendship and loyalty, you would need it to be friends with the idiot._

His name is Daiki.

_I don't care._

You are a really spiteful hat, aren't you?

_You try sorting immature brats for 1000 years._

_Well you also have some cunning, but no ambition. I believe the best house for you would be Ravenclaw._

"RAVENCLAW!"

_Good luck with the idiot._

**-o-**

**Murasakibara, Atsushi**

_Are you really only a kid?_

What do you mean?

_You must be at least 2 meters tall! What have you've been eating!_

*crunch*

_. . . are you seriously eating candy during your sorting?_

It took too long to sort everyone else. I'm hungry.

_I guess my question is answered._

Make me Hufflepuff, hat.

_What? Are you seriously asking for Hufflepuff?_

Yes.

_May I ask why?_

Aka-chin said that the common room is near the kitchens. That means more food.

_How the heck would that kid know . . . you know what, I don't care._

_Well you don't really happen to fit into any of the other houses anyway. Please don't scare them too much._

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

**Takao, Kazunari**

_You are the last kid right?_

Yes?

_THANK MERLIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE I MADE IT THROUGH THIS YEAR!_

I think you just blew my eardrums.

_Sorry, kid. I'm just so happy. If I had a mouth, I would celebrate with some brandy._

You know that this is not appropriate for a kid right?

_Does it look like I care?_

You look like a pile of rages sewn together actually.

_Screw it. I'm too happy to be bothered by that._

Well are you actually going to sort me?

_Fine. Brave, loyal, cunning, and sort of smart. Wait. What is this plan for being the green-haired kid's friend?_

_Dear Merlin, that is well calculated . . . and near obsessive._

I know right.

_That's a plan worthy of Slytherin right there._

"SLYTHERIN!"


End file.
